Eastern Kingdoms, AZ – Nuclear crisis was adverted earlier today when level 70 Orc Rogue Mbison was apprehended just outside the gates of Ironforge carrying over sixty-two stacks of Uranium Ore in his bag. The arrest was the result of a collaborative effort between Game Masters from several different workstations in Irvine, CA after an extensive probe on the Orc’s operations lasting over one year. “We’re just glad we were able to prevent any sort of nuclear damage to the realm,” said GM Eryus, who was in charge of the strike team that made the arrest, “the size of the patch we would have to release would be disastrous.”
Authorities took notice of Mbison last year after he reportedly bought out all of the Uranium Ore from the Auction House and proceeded to make several different alts for each of the different trade skills, in order to run a covert operation where he was believed to be constructing a nuclear device with the help of several prominent Goblin Engineers. “The engineering skill required to construct such a device is much higher than the 375 limit available to players worldwide,” said a Blizzard employee, who wishes to remain anonymous. GMs speculate that Mbison also had contacts within the Alliance itself, evidenced by the fact that he had not yet smelted the Uranium because he did not have access to the proper facilities.
Mbison maintains his stance that he acquired all of the Uranium Ore legally, and by his own means, though at least six farmers are suspected of being accessories to Mbison’s malicious plan. When pressed for information, the farmers responded in a combination of broken English and Mandarin. A representative from the People’s Republic of China issued a statement denying involvement in the production of any sort of virtual nuclear weapon, following allegations that the farmers were Chinese. The United Nations also issued a statement urging Blizzard to impose sanctions on the acquisition and production of nuclear items in their popular MMO. United States President George W. Bush held an emergency press release after Mbison was caught, condemning his actions and announcing that he would commit no less than two 25-man raid groups to Azeroth to establish peace and stability following the incident. Many members of President Bush’s administration, who already regularly play the MMO at work, were enthusiastic about the idea.
Reasons behind why Mbison would want to destroy Ironforge are still being investigated. However, when asked, Mbison replied, “cuz I h8 thos dumb nelfs and dorfs.” Mbison is currently being detained in the Stormwind Vault until he faces trial next month.
We got a winner ;)