Saturday, February 10, 2007

Chuck Norris in Warcraft

Looking for the Chuck Norris commercial? Click here!

You probably heard all about Chuck in WoW, but this might be new to you: Chuck Norris in Warcraft. The world... of Warcraft can't be saved even by South Park gang.

The Elf part:
1. Wisps will auto-detonate themselves if they see Chuck Norris, AND they will further increase his infinite amount of experience. Note that they won’t remove any of his infinite mana.

2. Chuck Norris can slam an uprooted Ancient back to the ground, so it can never uproot, walk, or give birth to units again.

3. The huntress’ glaive won’t hit Chuck Norris and a few nearby units, and vanish; instead, it will dodge Chuck Norris, fail to hit anything else, and, in fear, it will even forget to vanish.

4. Chuck Norris can remove huntress’ sentinel from a tree with a roundhouse kick, or remove it along with a tree, also using his trademark roundhouse kick.

5. When Chuck Norris roars, Druids of the Claw turn to teddy bears.

6. Mountain Giant never managed to Taunt Chuck Norris; he would usually get attacked, roundhouse kick&killed long before even being able to make a taunting gesture and sound. Note that Hardened Skin wont reduce Chuck Norris’ infinite damge by 12.

7. Faerie Fire won’t work on Chuck Norris; in fact, HE will see YOUR Druid of Talon, find him and roundhouse kick&kill him. Note that Faerie Fire won’t lower Chuck Norris’ infinite armor.

8. It used to take a lot of taunting clicks to make a Hippogryph byte off archers’ bow-arm; now it only takes a little time to see that Chuck Norris is approaching.

9. Chuck Norris can ride Hippogryph straight away, but he doesn’t, because he already runs and flies faster alone.

10. If Chuck Norris even just THINKS about using one of his infinitely numerous and powerful spells, it is YOUR Faerie Dragon that will get seriously injured. Actually, dead.

11. Only Chuck Norris can kill Priestess of the Moons’ scouting owl.

12. Entangling Roots also don’t work on Chuck Norris – he can simply roundhouse kick roots away.

The Orc part:
13. When attacking an Orc base, Chuck Norris first drags peons out of their burrows, roundhouse kicks&kills them, THEN destroys the burrows. He will leave one peon alive, though, so that he can tell everybody about what he saw.

14. Chuck Norris actually deals four times more damage to berserking Headhunters, which is four times the infinite in overall.

15. Chuck Norris cleans his teeth with Stasis Traps.

16. Chuck Norris can make Kodo Beast throw up a unit it just devoured, before actually killing it. He will then probably kill both beast and unit, with a roundhouse kick, because he doesn’t really need them to win, and especially not to spend his infinite upkeep money.

17. Bat-Riders will probably explode and kill each other before even engaging in combat with Chuck Norris, because peon told them that being roundhouse kicked hurts like Chuck!

18. Every strike that Chuck Norris deals is a critical strike; furthermore, there’s a 15% chance that Chuck Norris will deal a special critical-critical strike, dealing infinite amount of damage multiplied by infinity+1. This is also known as Chuck Strike.

19. Chuck Norris plays cricket with Serpent Wards.

20. Chuck Norris can swallow Tauren Chieftains’ Shockwave, and fart it back at TC, killing him on a spot. Note that TC can’t reincarnate after being killed by Chuck Norris.

The Undead part:
21. Chuck Norris can remove blight from ground, using nothing else but his spit; if, however, there’s an Undead building nearby, the spit will first destroy the building, and then remove blight.

22. If they see Chuck Norris approaching their base, Acolytes will grab some axes, and start chopping wood, or walking between a Gold Mine and Necropolis, hoping that Chuck Norris will replace them for peons, and let at least one survive.

23. Ghouls usually choke themselves on corpses they are eating, if they see Chuck Norris.

24. Crypt Fiends’ ranged ‘bug’ attack will make a wide circle around Chuck Norris, and flee away in panic, leaving a Crypt Fiend (even more) helpless against Chuck Norris.

25. If Gargoyles hear that they are about to encounter Chuck Norris, they’ll get stoned, and never snap out of it, even though if that bug is fixed long time ago.

26. Spirit and Nerubian towers turn back to Ziggurats when Chuck Norris approaches them.

27. Chuck Norris can raise not two, but infinite number of skeletons, and he doesn’t even need corpses for that.

28. Chuck Norris needs only one look to posses a Banshee, and two looks to Charm a Dark Ranger; he’ll probably roundhouse kick&kill them later, ‘cause he doesn’t really need them...

29. Chuck Norris uses Curse to mark himself available for a good touchdown pass.

30. If Abominations find out that they’ll fight Chuck Norris soon, they’ll first try to evade it by telling that they’ve caught some sort of disease, then they’ll try to sweetalk their way out, saying they come in peace(s), but nothing can really save them. A+ for trying, though.

31. If a Death Coil is cast at Chuck Norris, it will go around him, and then get back to a Death Knight who casted it, and kill him.

32. Chuck Norris always sees Death Shade; Death Shade, however, finds it pretty hard to see Chuck Norris.

Teh Human part:
33. Only Chuck Norris can kill defending Footman with one ranged shot; there’s even a chance that his shot will bounce back at dead Footman, and kill him even more.

34. When fighting a Knight, Chuck Norris first knocks him down from his horse with a roundhouse kick, effectively making him a Footman, then kills him with a single shot from a far, then the shot bounces back at a dead Knight, and kills him even more.

35. A Sorceress uses following tactics to survive Chuck Norris: first she turns herself into a sheep, then makes herself invisible, and tries to pretend that she’s an invisible sheep (by acting cool!). Never actually worked, either.

36. Chuck Norris’ spit can also douse Inner fire. And a Volcano.

37. Chuck Norris can catch a Storm bolt hammer with his teeth.

38. Chuck Norris once turned Goblin Alchemist into gold coins and bought him that little branch that gives +1 to all stats.

39. Chuck Norris can make Pit Lord kill himself and spawn a Doom Guard, which will then dispel, cripple, warstomp and rainoffire himseld to death.

40. The most powerful spell in the game is owned by Chuck Norris, and it’s called Chuckfall – in consists of a large (infinite) number of roundhouse kicks, which fall down from the sky, or emerge from the ground, and from all four corners of the map, destroying or killing all the units, heroes, neutrals, critters, trees, gold mines and buildings (even neutral ones!) in an area of a variable size. The area of this spell depends on a size of the map-for very big ones is very big, for small ones is small, and so on… Chuck never really uses this spell, because it would probably make an imbalance in the game

Addition to Human:

- You’ll become blind if you cast Holy Light at Chuck Norris. Blind AND dead.
- Chuck Norris can dispel Divine Shield.
- Chuck Norris can Resurrect all of your fallen units, only so that he can kill them once again (or twice, if they’re footmen or knights).

Addition to Misc:

- Chuck Norris can shoot your Health, Mana, Invulnerability, or other potions from a far, before your hero even thinks of drinking them.
- Chuck Norris can read scrolls in your hero’s inventory, or tear them apart if he wants.
- It won’t do you any good to Townportal away from Chuck Norris; He’ll simply kill all of your units before they actually teleport, AND wait for your hero by your Town Hall, Necropolis etc…

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